It was 2 days before Christmas in 2012 when I started urinating blood as I had on and off since 2011. But this time it was different. It was what they call gross hematuria, referring to passing bright red blood and clots. It was scary. My God, I had been to my PC doctor 3 times in 2011 and 4 times in 2012 only to be told that I had a slight elevation in white blood cells and it was probably a UTI. It wasn’t till I met with the associate doctor that he ordered a urine culture which was negative and he sent me to a urologist.
Fast forward to December 27, 2012. I was in the urologist’s office where he did a cystoscopy. This is when the doctor inserts a flexible scope with a small lens through my urethra to look inside my bladder. It didn’t hurt and was over in just a few minutes. It was then I heard the words for the first time, “Yep, you have it.” I heard but I didn’t hear or maybe I didn’t want to hear. So I asked, “What do I have?” Maybe I didn’t quite understand. And that is when he told me I had bladder cancer.
The world froze. I was silent. My husband was silent. More stunned. How does anyone prepare for this diagnosis? I never heard of bladder cancer. I was in the medical field and worked in an open heart unit at Cornell Medical Center in NYC. Not once as a Respiratory Therapist, teaching smoking cessation classes or hosting an emphysema support group did I ever know anyone with bladder cancer.
Fast forward, the urologist ordered a CT scan (standard procedure to see if and how far the cancer spread). I lay there on the table in total paralysis with tears streaming down my face, maybe this was just a bad dream, maybe I will wake up. I prayed, please God don’t let this be! I want to see my grandchildren grow up. My husband sat beside me holding my hand with a lead apron on him. I will never forget that moment...
